In Control?

For most of my life, food has had an amazing amount of control over me.  Happy?  Celebrate with food.  Depressed?  Soothe it with food.  Stressed?  You guessed it--food.  I've had times, such as several serious weight loss attempts with Low Carb (a program I know works if you're tough enough to stick with it for a lifetime) when I honestly felt I was winning the battle.  But ultimately, I'd slip back into slavery. . .and regain the weight I'd lost along the way.

I don't know what's making this time different, and at this point in the journey I have to face the very real possibility that I could fail.  In fact, I think I have to face the very real possibility that at any point in my life--even 10 or 15 years after reaching my goal weight--I could slip back into that bondage to food.  I have to approach this like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict--my disease will never be cured, just held in remission by me deciding, every day, to make the right choices. 

So as I'm typing this, there is a candy bar that I bought from some kids who were selling them as a fundraiser lying right beside my computer.  I bought it last Saturday (today is Wednesdsay) and have offered it to every member of my household, but so far no one has claimed it.  About 30 minutes ago I picked it up and carried it here with me, held it in both hands and debated the pros and cons.  I've been totally on plan for seven weeks with no slips.  I'm pretty sure no matter what I do tonight I'll still reflect a loss at the meeting tomorrow night.  I rationalized while looking at my old friendly enemy. . .and then laid it down.  I'd rather throw it away than eat it.  I gave some kids a dollar for uniforms. . .that's a small thing.  But the decision to lay that candy bar back down rather than eat it is HUGE.  It means I'm not a slave to food.  It's my personal declaration of independence.  I may not change the world with that decision, but I can change my own life and health and I can influence my children to also adopt healthier habits. 

Now I think I'll go to bed.  And I solomnly swear that if any chocolate crosses my lips tonight I'll come back and confess!